I don’t know what to think
I’m a man who vomits
Care about my body in a way that is meant for women—or so I’ve been told and scolded
Feel like I owe an explanation for being sick
Why I get that urge
I don’t even know the source of what it is coupled to
Wish I did, as I would disconnect that battery quick
I was caught at sixteen—called a girl for it
Can’t say I want to be tethered to something I view makes me weird
Like my body is a totem to be treated in certain rigid way
Truly think a body is mechanical
It’s got all these outlets
A hole for fuel, which I refuse to amuse—cause it’s cruel and I like that
Like I get to claim what’s most important—my own nutrition
Cause the same hasn’t been true for my other outlets
Guarded
So I commit to what I can
As a purpose.
Raymond Hoffman has a background in political science and Southeast Asian Studies. He has taught in China for many years and currently is a fifth grade teacher in the Midwest. Poetry writing has been used by him as a coping mechanism for bipolar disorder for over a decade now. Sylvia Plath has always been a great source of inspiration, as has been Albert Camus. He has previously been published in Beyond Words Literacy Magazine, Sad Girls Club literary blog, and Cathexis Northwest Press.